Dinner Conversations - Cat wrappers

Around our dinner table, conversations sometimes take bizarre excursions. The other night, the discussion turned to allergies, then specifically allergic reactions to cats. My two daughters and my wife are all susceptible to allergic reactions from cat dander. Why they do this, I do not know, since the result seems akin to handling rattlesnakes, but when any of the ladies pick up, carry, or even pet any one of our six cats, within mere minutes, they develop itchy red watering eyes, asthma-like breathing difficulty, and itching skin (the ladies, not the cats).

Now it was never my vision to own six cats, but they accumulated gradually over the years, like scum in a sewer pipe. I used to like cats, when we had one, or even two, before I was subjected to an overabundance. I have learned during my cat-owning tenure that not only are felines adept at avoiding mortal situations, but their longevity can be extended practically forever by the application of increasingly expensive diets, supplements, and medical procedures. We have established quite a portfolio of dietary and medical investment in our cats. An elderly orange tabby specimen we recently snatched back from the brink by the leaving large monetary offerings at the vets office showed her appreciation by promptly disappearing. She probably found one of the neighbors provided meals more to her liking.

In any case, as we were winding dinner down, I suggested that a good way for the ladies to reduce their cat dander reactions would be to encase the cats in plastic; either a reusable Saran wrap-like leotard, or a more permanent application of clear Krylon spray. My suggestion was met by loud and indignant reactionary rejection. I still think it has some merit, if marketed properly, perhaps as a raincoat, or a flea and tick asphyxiator, or other application purported to protect the precious cat.

I am going to work on this idea, and will probably need some test subjects, if you have any stray or surplus furry candidates to offer. I will also need a lab assistant, since I for one never touch cats except with my shoes.